Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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