Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
