Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
