Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
