she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
