Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
