bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
