have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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