So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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