thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
