what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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