You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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