It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
