My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
