Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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