The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
