a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
