1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
