ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
His nipple licking is glorious
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