Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
barbara walters just said penis...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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