everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
