what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
not ubering you a puppy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
