Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
