I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
