Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
