I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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