you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
