Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
