watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
