my vag is so smooth its legendary
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I want to be your penis for a week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
