i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am available for nakedness
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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