but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
