Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
