just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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