Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
