we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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