my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
