I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
