We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
