i'm lost and i look like a hooker
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
