There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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