i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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