ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
