then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
