I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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