Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
