the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They have beer where we have blood.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
