I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
