oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Randomize
