Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
